Days 49-50: Vulnerability

Once a month, I have a narrative medicine prompt I have to write about.  This months was vulnerability.  I re-watched Brene Brown's Ted Talk on "The Power of Vulnerability".  It made me think back to some of the discussions in group during addiction medicine week last week.  One of the things that became a recurring theme was the importance of connection.  The purpose of meetings was not only to work the 12-step program but also to connect.  One of the things that Brene talked about was that "shame is the fear of disconnection" while vulnerability is the premise that "in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be really seen".  Unfortunately, in our attempts to numb vulnerability and bad emotions, we end up becoming more disconnected.  In a society with addiction constantly portrayed negatively in the media, it is incredibly difficult for anyone recovering from addiction of any kind to practice "excruciating vulnerability" leaving them open to the vicious cycle that is loneliness leading to further drive to numb the negative emotion with the drug of choice.  The beauty of meetings is the ability to safely practice vulnerability allowing connections to be made and progress on recovery.  In essence, "excruciating vulnerability" is the Higher Power, the connection, that allows healing.  The meetings come with the premise that "life is messy, let's help each other by sharing our messy stories".  It does not try to perfect or make things certain.  It teaches the ideals of the "wholehearted people" who believe they are worthy, who show courage, and compassion for themselves before others.  The meetings acknowledge that while, during active using, people pretend their actions don't harm others, when in reality they do.  The act of making amends during the step program calls upon the fact that our actions do effect those around us, and especially the people who care the most about us.  It was fascinating listening to Brene and having these connections begin to form while listening to her talk.  It's like she interviewed everyone who had gone through AA and figured out what had been realized with the first 100 people that went through AA.  I think another takeaway from both Brene's talk on vulnerability and groups like AA is that everyone needs to find a community or group that they feel safe practicing "excruciating vulnerability" with in order to build connections and understand their worthiness.  I have yet to fully figure out how to fit this into my life, but I think I should start with the realization that my need for perfection and stress eating are my addictions used to numb vulnerability.  As Brene stated, and was a theme in the movie "Inside Out", you have to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad, no emotion exists in isolation.