Sometimes it is easier to take out frustration and anger over the telephone. If you don't see the person on the other end, you can tear them down because you don't have to face their sadness and confusion. I got chewed out over the phone today because of the anger and frustration of having symptoms to a terminal disease that has abysmal treatment options that don't really lead to any improvements in longevity. I was initially hurt because I felt like I'd done something wrong despite the fact that I had called specifically to offer some potential symptom management options. After talking with a multitude of people, and reflecting somewhat on my own, I wasn't what they were angry about. It's the situation as a whole and the fact that there is no "instant relief" button. It's the fact that none of what we're doing actually takes away the reason these symptoms are present in the first place. I was the only doctor who had made successful contact with them, and therefore their anger and frustration at the terminal disease was directed at me. Which sucks, but I'm pretty sure I would be angry, too, if I hadn't slept and felt terrible and felt completely out of control. I hate not feeling like I have some idea of what to do to improve the situation. I can imagine that is part of the callousness this afternoon. I need to get to a point where, even when someone is hurt and angry at their situation and direct this at me, I realize that it is not actually about me at all. I am only the sounding board, the path of least resistance to unload the charge. It's like lightning during a storm, the charge builds up until it has no other choice but discharge on the easiest target in the area. I just have to let the charge run through me and not touch me but reflect back the emotions and name the fears that are causing the strong emotions.
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