Days 43-44: Spirituality

I have spent the last four days rotating through various recovery groups.  It has been an eye opening, and difficult few days mentally and emotionally.  I tend to be one to try to take on and understand what it must be like to be in my patients shoes.  I think this is, in part, why I wasn't able to do something like psychiatry for a long term career.  I would spend too much time trying to think like my patients that it would become overwhelming.  I think having gone through my paternal grandmother's time on hospice and working with my mom's parents through the aging process, it has helped make it easier for me in my chosen field.  I have past experiences to draw on instead of having to imagine what it must be like.  I sometimes have issues not taking on what I think my patient's are thinking.

One of the things that has been a big discussion is spirituality and what this means in the context of recovery.  It means different things to different people, and there are different ways of practicing it.  One of the biggest themes is connectedness.  Spirituality is viewed as a deeper connection to the world around you as well as ways to connect with the people you encounter, to find a way to better them in some way.  It comes from a similar principle that my mom teaches that, no matter what 'it' is, you leave it in better shape than when you first encountered it.  While I am not an addict (except when it comes to sugar), I feel like I connected with some of the people that where in the groups that I went to over the last few days.  I want so badly for them to continue on their road to recovery, and I wish there was more I could do to help them with their journey.  I feel like there is little that I can do.  I have never been in their same position.  I don't have experiences that I can draw on.  I have no way of supporting them the way that they need supporting.  It was an honor to be allowed into their inner circle but I still feel like an intruder.  It's this pull between wanting to know how to better support them and not wanting to impose my needs on their time for fellowship and recovery as a group.  It's a feeling of powerlessness that I am not used to.  I want to feel like I can make connections and be part of the support, growth, and recovery.  I have been given the opportunity to return over the next couple weeks to see the progress.  I'm hoping to have a chance to figure out where I can help further.