Middle of the Road

I did it. I made it through my last lab. I actually enjoyed this one to. We had to find the identity of an unknown acid using an acid-base titration. We got three chances to name the right acid. The catch was that each guess after the first one, you lost more points. I was so happy the have gotten the acid on the first try. I am just so glad that this lab is over with.

I now have to worry about registering for next fall's classes. I'm a little worried and a little excited. I'm worried about analytic chemistry. It's the largest weed-out course for chemistry. The lab reports are upwards of 20 pages. I'm just so afraid I'm going to be swamped next semester. I'm also taking Intro to Organic Chemsitry I, Genetics, and Introduction to Poetry Writing.

I'm so excited about my poetry class and what it means. It means that I'm going to have a double minor. So now my diploma will look like this:

Major: Biology(BS)
Minors: Cemistry
Creative Writing(Poetry)

I'm so excited about that :)

I know that I will survive Analytic. Hopefully, I'll get Prof. Austell. He is probably one of the best chemistry prof. you can get. He's hard, but good. AND...he loves what he's doing. That always helps. I'm also trying to get Prof. Forbes for organic because I've read that he's really good. Finally, I'm trying to get Prof. Shapiro for poetry because, once again, I've read that he is an outstanding professor. I'm really glad to be getting into the classes where the professors really enjoy what they are doing. I just feel like the lower level professors don't care because most of the people in the classes won't go far beyond those lower level classes that they need to fulfill general college perspectives. I'm just ready to move on to new and different subjects. And I'll be really glad to actually get into the biology courses rather than all this chemistry. I'm getting a little bit sick of chemistry.

My Eyes

I see the world
Through shades of doubt.
If the end were to come
Would you be there for me?
If the end came tomorrow
Would you remember
That I love you?
That I love you more
Than words can feasibly describe?

I see the world
Through shades of doubt.
But you remind me
Of all that is right
In my world.
You remind me
Of why I must keep living
Day to day.

Silencing Thoughts

Sometimes the words don't come.
Sitting alone
In the world I've created.
A shrine to you in my heart
But you'll never know.

Sometimes the words don't come.
I understand your thoughts
Without knowing you.
I feel your pain
Though we've never touched.

Sometimes the words don't come.
I can look at your face,
from afar,
And know your alone too.
And I want to hold you.

Sometimes the words don't come.
Thoughts linger
Hearts beat
Wants and needs are disregarded
Because they can't be vocalized.

Sometimes the words don't come.
But when they do,
They are beautiful.
Like you, the inspiration
Of a travel worn spirit.

Inspirations Tricklings

I'm feeling like the ink is running out of my pen. I put the tip on the page, but all I get is some funky looking ink blob. Like those ink blots they use in a therapy session. So what do you see in this amorphous blob of ink?? I haven't been able to write good poetry in so long. I just wish the lines would start flowing again. It's like someone has dammed up my inspiration river without telling me. I was floating along just fine and then the river turned into a trickle, and now I'm stuck in the mud. The silty residue. What to do? I can't just step out of the boat and start walking. The goo of laziness will suck me into its depths. It will forever hinder what meager efforts at creativity I attempted. But what's the pont in sitting around? I can't just wait for the engineers to discover their mistake. "Oh, I'm sorry We must have dammed up the wrong river. Our apologies." It doesn't happen like that. To regain control of the inspirational river, to un-dam its miraculous girth takes perserverance, and a want to free it. Where in me is the ability to take on such a grand task? Sure one small hole in the dam is all it takes, but aim and skills are needed that are far beyond what I can do. I'm just not going to give up now...

How long til the next break??

So it's the first Monday back after Spring Break. I wish I were still at home on break. So here is a list of why I like being at home.

1. Home-cooked meals
2. Warm showers that don't burn you when someone on a different floor and in a different part of the building flushes the toilet
3. No wearing flip-flops in the shower because you already know who's been in there, and what they've been doing
4. Sleeping in a bed you don't have to worry about falling out of because it's wider than a 2x4
5. Sleeping in
6. Not being woken up at 3 AM by various noises in the hallway
7. NO CLASSES
8. No need to do work because there aren't any classes to do work for
9. NO 4 HOUR LONG CHEM LAB
10. No having anything you have to do
11. Being able to drive my Honda
12. Getting to watch movies without using them as a procrastination tool
13. My dog
14. Sinks that work
15. Having an excuse to be a lazy bum for a week

So now that Spring Break is over I have to wait until Summer. However, I'll be recovering from jaw surgery over the summer...but that's ok, I hear they give you good drugs for the pain.

19

Yep...it's official...I'm 19. I'm in the last leg of this thing called being a teenager. What a strange feeling.

So here I am, and I'm going to sing myself "the birthday song" according to my AP biology teacher.

Ahem...

A happy birthday,

A happy birthday

Sin and sorrow in the air.

People dying everywhere.

A happy birthday,

One year older...

One year closer to death. (This line is spoken while pounding the fist of one hand in the palm of the other)

That is all.

Dating, Relationships...the Works

So sorry to have been away for so long. I just started Spring Break on Friday, and have been enjoying every minute of it.

Anyway, todays post is about etiquette in and beginning relationships. Anyone can post a comment to this page, and everyone is welcome, and hopefully will, put in their own thoughts and opinions.

I guess I'm not really sure what I'm looking for out of this. I guess I want to know what others think about starting relationships. You know, how one starts, people you shouldn't start relationships (ex. your roommate's ex. Is that off-limit?). Interesting tid-bits like that.

Also, I did some research for an English class about females perceptions on drinking. One of the interesting ideas that came up was that guys preferred to date girls that either didn't drink at all or drank in moderation. Do you all agree with this? Why do you think this is or isn't true?

Finally, I guess I'm interested in knowing how other people think relationships start. How do you know that you are both interested in each other? What do you do to get someone's attention? What is the first thing you notice about someone you're interested in?

If you have any other comments, please leave them. Again, anyone is welcome to respond to this post whether you are a member on blogger or not.

Untitled Love

I'm trying to find the words

To answer the questions

On your mind tonight.

I'm trying to find the strength

To hold you in my arms

And protect you through the night.

I'm trying to find the love

To carry you through

And keep me with you.

I'm trying to find the perfection

In this world where all that's perfect

Is in you.

I want you to stay here

To remind me of the reason

I breathe each day.

I want you to hold me

To protect me

And console me.

I want you to love me

For that's what you do best

Each night in the dark.

I want you to know

That I can't let you go

Because I love you more

Than you might suppose.

My Life, My Love

1 year, 10 days, and counting...

That's how long I have to be a teenager. Then, I'll be 20. That seems so old. It just seems so weird to only have about a year left as a teenager. It just seems that middle school wasn't that long ago...

I remember in 7th grade, we went to Lake Moomaw in Virginia. It was interesting. The geese and the Whippoorwills were making noise all night. And then the next day we went canoeing. My job was to sit in the back and steer. I guess I wasn't that bad. There were two ways to change the direction of the canoe. The first was to use drag. You put your oar in the water, on whichever side you want to turn to, and then you just let the oar drag in the water. It causes that side to slow down, and not move as fast as the other side. This causes the boat to turn towards the slower side. The other way was for both canoers (is that a word??) Anyway, both canoers paddle on the same side and that also gets the boat to turn.

Then in 8th grade I went white water rafting in the fall, and DC in the Spring. That was awesome. The rafting was almost a religious experience. I love being on the water, in the water, near the water. I was the baby that wold run out into the ocean without caring if the water was too deep for me. Anyway, DC was fun, too. We toured the Vietnam and Korean war memorials at night as well as the Lincoln Memorial and gazing pool. I loved it. I definitely want to go back there sometime.

Then it was 9th grade, and 9-11 happened. I didn't know anyone personally who worked in either the Pentagon or the World Trade Towers. It was just the shock that someone would do that sort of thing that got me. I have to admit that I broke down and started bawling in the middle of English class. It was just so shocking. My graduating class was the last to go to DC. After that, they started taking the classes to Chattanooga. Not as exciting as DC, but still a nice place I'm sure. I've never been myself.

I moved that summer between 9th and 10th grade, from Roanoke, VA to Shelby, NC. I was pretty depressed. I didn't know anyone and I couldn't just go over and hang out with my friends in VA. And the worst part was the whole VA driving laws. In VA, you couldn't get your permit until 15 1/2. In NC, you can't get your permit until after you go through drivers ed. I didn't get to take drivers ed until the summer between my 10th and 11th grade years. And by the time I got my permit, two days before Thanksgiving my 11th grade year, they (DMV people) told me to just wait until I was 18 to get my license. That was even more depressing.

Anyway, sorry for divulging my life story. I guess you could say that I was happy to graduate high school. I had told so many people that if I cried at graduation it would be tears of joy because I would be getting out of the Hell hole. I was ready to move on, and I am so glad to be here, at UNC. I like being able to wake up an hour before classes and still get to class on time. I like being able to walk to almost everything I want to go to. I don't even mind the classes that much. Some of them are boring, but I just really like being here. That's my life right now, lots of work, lots of class time, but also a lot of fun and new experiences. Things to do, people to see and meet, parties. I mean, I got to go up on Franklin St. after beating Dook, and I got to be a part of 15,000-17,000 people who were also up there celebrating the win. I was a part of a community, and it didn't take an hour drive, crossing county and state borders to get to.

I love it...

UNC beats Dook + Fire = Crazy Night on Franklin St.

WOW!!!!! That game was freakin' awesome. I could hardly watch the last 2 minutes I was so psyched. And then I had to be reminded that breathing was vital to living once the buzzer went off to end the game. That was the awesomest game I've ever seen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Frankling Street was off the chain! I have never seen so many crazy people on Franklin since Halloween. Though Halloween was tame compared to this because there was no fire involved with Halloween. I stayed away from the fire, though, after seeing someone catch on fire. NOT cool. But it was insane. When I got there, there was only one bonfire. By the time I left, there were 4 or 5. And people were standing on the walking signal box things, whatever they're called. And people were jumping the fires. And people were throwing stuff into the fire. And ash was going everywhere. AND IT WAS CRAZY FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Though coming back to the room afterwards, and shaking my hair out, and just watching the ash fall out of it was kind of gross. But a small price to pay for the fun and excitement of last night. It all seems so surreal...

The Astrology Report

My horoscope for today according to my phone: "Mistakes in your life are what hone your intuition, so don't be afraid to fail."

Truer words have never been spoken (or texted in this case).

Sometimes I really do think I'm afraid to fail. I think that's part of the reason why I can't talk to guys that I have crushes on. I see it as a failure if they don't respond. I think that's why I'm so afraid to let others down. I'm afraid that I've failed them. I'm afraid to fail a class because, well, it's failing. Perhaps I'm afraid to be anything other than a doctor because I'm afraid I'm failing my parents, like that's what they expect me to be.

I just need to loosen up a bit. The people in my life who really care for me will support any descision I make. I should let go of this fear of failure because all will turn out alright in the end. I know that there is a plan for me in this world. I just need to let it come naturally, like it's supposed to.

Blah

I'm not really sure what sort of mood I'm in right now. Today was absolutley gorgeous. The sun was out. It was in the 70s. Absolutely unbelievably great weather. I definitely went outside and worked on homework (and got a little red on the face and shoulders, but no big deal). I was just so glad to get to be outside. Plus, my one class today was cut short. That's what I love so much about Tuesdays and Thursdays. I only have one class. And all days except for Wednesdays, I'm done before noon.

So now it's night. I'm not really sure what type of mood I should be in. I want to be happy because the weekend begins tomorrow. I want to be focused because I still have classes tomorrow. I want to scream because I still have to wait a week until Spring Break. And I just feel old. I'll be 19 in exactly 2 weeks, and something that happened at the basketball game last night just made me feel old.

So it was senior night last night, and each of the senior basketball players got to give a little speech. David Noel was the last to get up there. So he starts thanking his Mom and Dad and brothers and sisters. Then, he thanked his girlfriend and family-to-be, aka her family. It's weird thinking that I'm getting to a point in life where I just might be thinking about a wedding in 3-4 years. How weird is that. It was just last year when I was all upset because I didn't have a date to my senior prom. Now, I have marriage to look forward to. Granted to get married you have to be ina relationship with someone, and that's a step I have yet to take. But the thing is, it will eventually happen.

I don't know. Even after all this, I'm still not sure what kind of mood I'm in. I just feel mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted, and I still have a long way to go before I get a small break...

What's Next?

There was magic in the air today...

The breeze blew froma different direction today. On it came the beauty of a freed soul, the words of a forgotten lullaby, and the heat of a love affair. No one could resist, yet no one understood what it meant. Except me.

I knew where that breeze was coming from. That gentle puff of air that kisses the cheek and caresses the neck. I knew what it meant. It meant that the ending was near. And I am not afraid. It is not a bad ending. Just an ending to lead to a new beginning. I understood that our time had come and we were ready to follow that breeze.

Today, the sun shone more brightly than ever. The flowers smiled up at each passerby. The birds caroled on as if nothing were different. The trees lowered their branches to provide the shade we all wanted. And that gentle breeze touched everyone, everything. The end was coming, but no one was afraid. Nothing would go wrong, that's what the breeze sang.

We are all like leaves in the fall. We come into being in the Spring. So small and fragile, yet with such a strong purpose and will to survive and prove our worth. In the summer, we learn and show our true potential. We can finally live up to the expectations we have been given. Then the fall comes. We grow frail and weak. no longer can we serve our purpose. No longer can we help the tree of life, so the breeze come sand gently shakes us loose. And we fall a little, but the breeze holds us up, floats us along. We are safe, and then we settle to the ground so gently. And we decay, and we regaina new purpose in helping a new spaling to survive. We give it the last of our dying breath. We give it the little bit we have left, and then it's time for us to pass on. We have served all our purposes.

Now all that's left is a soft, warm darkness and light. All in one. We are both safe and secure. We leave before the Winter. We know it's time to go. We are not supposed to be around any longer.

There was magic in the air today. The beautiful end for a new beginning has come...