The End Before the NEW Beginning!!!

Well, I made it. I got through my jaw surgery, and it's all pretty much down hill from here. The worst part for me is the fact that I'm very limited in what I can eat. You try eating just Jell-O and Boost for a week and see how you feel. But at least now I can have oatmeal and mashed potatoes and soups and stuff like that. I will survive. Thank you to everyone who sent their love and support. I really appreciate your thoughts and love. I'll try to keep posting updates and other stuff throughout the summer, but it may slow down once I start working over at the pool. Though hopefully by the time I start working I'm not so swollen. At least the doctor said most of the swelling was due to my wisdom teeth being removed and not the actual jaw surgery. Oh, and how cool is it that I now have titanium plates in my lower jaw. I think it's totally cool that I can see them in the X-rays. The plates are about 1 1/2 inches long, and they are holding my lower jaw bone in place while the new bone regrows. Once I'm completely healed, the bone will have grown over the plates which are going to be a permanent part of my jaw from now on. Totally cool stuff.

BAH!!!

I am so frustrated with the Health Science Theme Housing it's not even funny. I'm not even living there, and I'm beginning to dread it a little. They seem so disorganized. First, we were supposed to hear about our room assignments by the beginning of Spring Break. It is now the end of the semester. The end of the school year. The beginning of summer. And still no word on a room. I'm not even sure if I have a room in Carmichael. I certainly hope I do. I'm not exactly thrilled with the prospect of having to live off campus or in Hinton James. I just wish that the student coordinators would get their act together and get the rooms assigned. It's not that difficult. A deaf, dumb, and blind chimpanzee could assign us our rooms. It's absolutely ridiculous, especially since they had about five people leave and five new people come in. It's ridiculous! RIDICULOUS!! I was hoping to get to know my roommate before we moved in, in August, but it's not looking that way. Heck, I'll be lucky if I even have a room by the time I move in. OOOOOoooooo...I am so frustrated with the whole housing thing I don't want to even deal with it right now.

THEY!

They say rainy days are good for studying, but I got two things to say about that. One, who is this they, and what do they think they know?? Second, rainy days are good for sleeping and watching TV. Unfortunately, I can't watch TV because I don't have one at the moment. And I can't let my self take a nap because I have to wake up early for an exam tomorrow. My last exam. That's the greatest part of the whole thing. It's the last exam I have to take for almost four months (give or take about a week). I love it...

Grades...

Grades, actually, GPAs drive me nuts. I hate how so much is hinged on them, and I hate being a perfectionist. I hate being disappointed because I don't make the grades I want. The thing is, on average, I'm not doing too shabby. My grades aren't bad, but they aren't as good as I think I should be getting. I feel like I'm letting myself down by not doing as well as I wanted. But, like I said, my grades aren't bad. As of right now, Here are the final grades I've gotten:

English: A
Chemistry: A-
Media Criticism: B+ (I think)

These aren't bad. With these grades I have a semester GPA of a 3.667 and a cumulative GPA of 3.787. That's not bad, but I feel like I could have done better. I feel like somehow I slacked off and that's why these grades aren't all A's. I forget that this isn't high school anymore. I forget that they don't round grades in college like they did in high school. Believe me, there was an outrageous amount of rounding and curving in high school. Plus, in high school, you can get a GPA greater than 4.0. And, GPA isn't that big of a deal in high school as it seems to be here. Your academic eligibility hinges on your GPA. It's maddening. Especially for perfectionist who push for all A's. Classes here aren't easy.

I just wish I could do better...

Fightertown USA

"You never close your eyes
Anymore when I kiss your lips"

"I feel the need, the need for speed"

"I'm too close for missles, switching to guns."

"You're dangerous, and foolish..."

"You can be my wing-man anytime."

"Working on foreign relations. I gave him the bird."

I love Top Gun. Such a good movie. Too bad my copy at home got eaten by the tape player. I absolutely love the flight scenes. There is no way I could ever get into a fighter plane, but I love watching those scenes. Fascinating. And I love the fact that the deck of an aircraft carrier doubles as a runway for the planes. How cool. How cool.

So I got to go up on the deck of the USS Yorktown. It was probably the neatest thing in the world for me, and I would love to go back and see it again. I am totally fascinated by the aircraft carriers, the cruisers, yep, even the subs although they make me a little more claustrophobic. I just am fascinated by how...efficient they are. I love them..so cool.

So yeah..that's my rant for the day...night...whatever :)

Oh dear...

Yes, I have a problem. Ok, not anything too terrible, but an issue still the same. I think I may have accidentally led a guy to believe I was interested. Unfortunately, I think he's a cool guy, but I just am not romantically interested or interested in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with him. I'm not really sure how to get this across, so right now I'm just being nice but distant. Is that worse than being blunt?

Anyway, my problem also lies in where/who my heart is truly for. There's a guy that I have been in love with since I was in 4th grade. Yes, 4th grade. I've never stopped loving him. He may have been slightly aloof during middle school, but I always loved him. I moved between 9th and 10th grade, but I could never forget him. We didn't talk or see each other for about 3 years, but I still love him. I can't stop. There's just something so intriguing about him that keeps me in love with him. We talk on AIM when the Navy doesn't have him completely bogged down with work. He's so nice and sweet. I love him. Love him, love him, love him. I can't help it. This feeling has been a part off me for so long that it's too great for me to even describe in words. I don't want to though. By attempting to put such feelings into words, you limit their meaning and power. I don't want that. I want it to be a limitless, indescribably good feeling like it is.

The thing is, I don't know if he feels the same way. I mean, I feel like he enjoys talking to me. I think he enjoys my company, but I don't know how strong his emotions for me are. Until I get the nerve to ask him, I can't give my heart to anyone. I would feel like I'm cheating on him. Even though he knows nothing of this love I carry for him. I am too committed at this point to this love I carry for him. Until there is some break, a let down, until he tells me what he truly thinks and feels for me, I can't give away my heart. I'm too afraid now to ever let go...