One of the most terrifying things is having a sick child. While I do not have any human babies, I do have several animals (who have been referenced in past posts). For the most part, they are healthy. LOML and I do what we can to make sure they get what they need. Julia, our only little girl kitty, has feline asthma. While we don't know why or what the original trigger was, for the most part, she has done reasonably well until the last couple months. The first trigger in January was the heating system breaking. The more recent was likely the use of pine sol to clean the floors and the terrible weather. Now we're in the cycle she was in when she was first diagnosed where it took several rounds of IM and oral steroids and bronchodilators to finally smooth things out. Unfortunately, it is stressful for her to go to the vet, and the stress doesn't help her breathing. I hate seeing her so tired out, struggling to breathe, and not herself. It makes me feel like I'm letting her down because I can't seem to get her feeling better. It's also really scary to think that she might not survive each subsequent cycle of exacerbation. I feel helpless and sad. She doesn't deserve to suffer from this disease, and she really does well in between. Unfortunately, the vet has never seen her when she is doing well, so it looks like LOML and I just let her sit and suffer all the time at home. That's hard feeling like the medical team looks at you like you're horrible parents for letting your child suffer without receiving medical attention. The thing is, we don't. If we didn't care, we wouldn't bring her to the vet when she's acting uncomfortable or can't breathe. We do our best to follow the instructions we're given for her care. We really do try to keep her as happy and healthy as we can. We're just in a bad cycle right now. The sense that we are being looked at as animal torturers is hurtful.
I realize that there are situations where, in the medical field, we look at patients and families the same way. How could they allow x, y,or z to happen to their loved one? Why didn't they bring them in earlier? What kind of life do they allow their loved one to have at home? It's condescending and does not allow for the partnership that is needed to care for the very sick patients we are seeing. Everyone hopes for the best, that the bad parts will pass, and the sun will come out. The disease that is attacking their loved one is really only a virus, a cold, that will pass. No one wants to think that their loved one has cancer or something equally bad. What would be different if, instead of thinking to ourselves all the bad things that come to mind when faced with a critically ill patient that has been sitting at home just as sick, we try to put ourselves in that family's shoes? What if they thought it was something simple that would pass? What if they didn't want to see the red flags because they knew it was something bad but wanted to hold onto the hope that it wasn't as bad as they thought? Don't we all do that at some point or another? Instead of thinking that the family is neglectful (unless there truly are signs of neglect or abuse), show compassion for them. It is hard trying to deal with as foreign an area as medicine. We use language that isn't fully English but say it in a way that people feel even smaller because they don't understand what we're talking about. They may have had a horrific incident in the past with the medical field and are reluctant to use it. They don't know all the options, and sometimes the options are presented in a way that makes them feel like their loved one isn't getting the expert care they deserve. There are any number of reasons why people may avoid the healthcare system until it is far too late. So instead of belittling them, align yourself with them because you never know when you'll find yourself in the same situation and realize the fear of not being able to care for those you love most.
