Days 119-121: The Difference

There are a few families and patients through time that will forever shape a doctor.  While I have had many wonderful patients, there are two that stand out the most.  One was a little girl I took care of who had cancer.  She passed away from complications from her chemotherapy.  I still carry the picture she drew for me, and occasionally listen to the two voicemail messages she left for me to "check in".  She was special because when she felt her worst, I was the only "doctor" she wanted to see.  She would let me talk about the hard stuff with her because I knew she was always listening and absorbing what we were saying, even if the residents on the team didn't think so.  The second is the patient that I took care of on the palliative care unit last week.  He was such a sweet man, but his family, and especially his daughter that made medical decisions for him, grew to trust me like the little girl from 5 years ago.  I am not sure why they felt I was the one to trust.  I am completely humbled by the faith they had in me.  But it carried them through his death a few days ago.  To the point, that his daughter came to the palliative care unit to find and tell me of his passing.  I am thankful I kept an eye out for his obituary so I could go to the visitation.  There are only a few patients whom I have felt I needed to say goodbye to the patient and family.  He and his family are one of the them.  His daughter kept introducing me as her "daddy's doctor".  It is beyond humbling.  I never really know what to say in those situations.  Before I left, his daughter told me that she would never forget me.  I hope that she realizes that I will also never forget her, or her siblings or father.  It was one of those doctor-patient relationships that forever sticks to your spirit as a reminder of the gravity and importance of what I do.  I hold those moments dear to help act as a beacon when I start to lose faith in my abilities to care and support others.  They truly hold a special place in my heart.  I hope they know how much they mean to me.