Saturday, I went to the memorial service for my high school chemistry teacher. Several times, the Reverend leading the Episcopal service repeated this message based on the words of Henri-Frederic Amiel: "Life is short, and we do not have much time to gladden the hearts of those who make the journey with us. So be swift to love, and make haste to be kind." By the church filled to bursting yesterday, the tears of joy and sorrow, and the number of students present, it was obvious that, despite his curmudgeonly ways, Dr. Mosley had done just that. He gave all of himself in the short time he blessed us who were on the journey with him. In thinking back on my few, short years at Spartanburg Day School, I realize now that, while he was occasionally frustrated with us, he was never truly ever angry or cruel. He was sarcastic, but underneath that was someone who truly believed that each student was his own child to guide and mold into a model adult. My hope is that he can reflect now and say that, even if there were many projects he would like to have seen to fruition, he does not regret anything he said or did in the time he had with us. My hope is that he feels like there is nothing more he could have done with the time he had.
It got me thinking about whether I would feel the same if I were to die suddenly. While a somewhat morbid line of thinking, it's what helps in pushing to making sure each day is lived fully. Can you answer "yes" to the question of "if I died tomorrow, did I do all I would have wanted with today?". Certainly we all have things we want to do in the future, but would we see missed opportunities in the past that we regret or didn't act on like we wanted? I can say that, while there are many, many things I hope to be able to do in my life, if I were to die tomorrow, there is nothing I regret about my life to this point. I have a wonderful fiance that I've had two years of living fully present with and loving more than I will ever be able to express. I have a supportive family that I care for more deeply each day. I am proud of the man and woman my brother and sister have become. I have friends that have become more and more like family with each passing season. I have three darling animals that are special and dear to me. While I am still in training, I have had the opportunity to pursue the career of my dreams. I touched my patients souls in ways I can't even imagine. I can say that even now, while there is so much to learn, I feel complete with what I have. If I were to die tomorrow, I would be sad at the opportunities that have not yet come to be, but glad in what I have accomplished to this point. I cannot imagine feeling any remorse for who I have become to this point.
So I end as I began, a reminder to all who read this: "Life is short, and we do not have much time to gladden the hearts of those who make the journey with us. So be swift to love, and make haste to be kind."
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