July 5th was my official first day of my hospice and palliative medicine fellowship, the last leg of my medical education journey before entering the world of full physician. It's exciting and daunting at the same time. I doubt that I will ever feel fully prepared for my career. I think the fact that it is ever changing makes that impossible. I am slowly coming to the realization that, so long as I work to the best of my ability, and am able to admit my shortcomings and then work to improve in those areas, I will be able to go home each night knowing I did all that I could for my patients that day. It is not going to be easy. I did not pick my areas of passion by the ones that would get me home early each day. I was drawn to them. It's still surreal sometimes to even be here, learning in the field that I knew from the time I was 13 would be my calling. That time seems like a lifetime ago. There have been and will be days when I don't feel like I deserve the honor of my career. I realize that I am not alone in these insecurities, sometimes it's harder to convince myself of this than other times. I have been tasked to post something each day for the entirety of this fellowship. Some days will be ramblings like this one. The thoughts that flit through my mind as I sit at my computer. Some may be reflections on a difficult day through story-telling. Some days may be a poem if moved to that level. There may be days I post more than once as I am given writing assignments. Just as I only have a glimpse of the peak of the iceberg that is this fellowship, I cannot say what the year will hold in terms of my writings here. We shall see what today, day 2, holds when I set myself down to write tonight.
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