Today was a good day. I started my two week rotation at the local hospice inpatient center. I wouldn't say that I did much. I met one family, I wrote a note, I saw how the other doctor I was working with approached making her comfortable. I worked on my communication skills, trying to actively listen, use open ended questions, learn more about the patient as a person. It felt natural. I worry some about whether I'm doing the right thing when it comes to communication, but I worry less than I used to. I will never be perfect or the best. There will always be room to grow. But I also did not feel like a failure. It was nice being able to see a patient on my own without following behind the attending like a new medical student. When I'm not truly given the chance to try on my own, I feel used, like an over-educated administrative assistant. When I actually get to see the patient, formulate my own plan, and present it to the patient and/or family, then I feel like I am actually a doctor. I don't pretend to have all the answers or know exactly what to do in every situation, but I don't learn well if I'm not learning by doing. I'll shadow when in a field that is not my own, I want to try things out on my own to figure out what my style will be within my own field. I know it will get better as the year goes on.
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