Days 74-75: Imperfection

We, as humans, are imperfect.  Our bodies are not meant to last forever.  Disease and aging occur whether we want them to or not.  Our minds are only able to show us as much as we are able to comprehend.  When bad things happen, we either project inward and wonder what we did wrong to lead to the event or we project outward and wonder how others could have done what they did to us.  We try to find blame, and sometimes even wonder if God, or a Higher Power, truly exists, and if so, how they could let such travesty befall us.  We wonder how a Being that is considered so loving could betray us and turn on us.  I, for a long time, have felt that there is no way some Higher Power could exist, especially after the things I was asked to do in the name of love as a resident.  It is truly difficult to understand how a person can, in the same breath, say that they leave it all to God and then ask us to resuscitate their 90+ year old loved one.  It seemed like abuse and a contradiction.

I have been thinking about imperfection.  My imperfections, my defects, the things that I wish I did better or had more control over.  It wasn't until the last couple weeks that I started thinking that the imperfections of humans, our toils, wars, racism, hate, and diseases, could exist in the same universe as a benevolent God.  Then, a few weeks ago, when going on home visits with one of the hospice chaplains, I realized that they can exist.  The chaplain was talking to a man who could not understand how his doting wife could have come down with a neuro-degenerative disease that left her unable to talk or care for herself.  He was angry at God, but felt guilty for that anger.  The chaplain's response was that God did not cause or allow the disease to happen.  He said that we were all made from clay, and clay is imperfect.  Therefore, we are made in the image of God but because we are formed from an imperfect medium, we cannot expect ourselves to be perfect.  He went on to say that because we are formed from clay, our bodies begin to breakdown, to return to its natural form.  Thus, we develop diseases; we age; we die.  It was a revelation for the patient's husband as well as for me to hear the chaplain talk like this, to say that the miracles of healing may not look like what we are wanting or expecting, for in death, we are cleansed of all our imperfections and our souls return to their Creator.  It was a revelation to hear that the things we do to each other are because we are made from an imperfect material and are prone to making mistakes, for doing things that are not always good.  It's in our nature to be imperfect, so why feel like a failure when perfection is not attained?  This does not mean to lose all motivation, but instead, continue to follow the rule of "love thy neighbor as thyself" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  God made us in his image.  If you work everyday to do your best to meet the Golden Rule, then there is no failure for you have done the best with the imperfect material from which you were made.