Long time...Not Here

So, I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but for the past year and a half, I have been the proud mother to a darling rat named Petey. He was a brown hooded rat, and the sweetest boy ever. Unfortunately, he passed away last weekend. I was devastated, but I am getting through. I finally got to the point where I could clean out his cage and ready it for selling. So...if anyone needs a rat cage, it's posted on eBay (shameless advertising)...
Anyway, so the reason I'm trying to sell the cage is because I need to expand. I've become a rat crazy. I also learned (too late) that rats much prefer to be kept in at least same sex pairs. Petey's cage is just not big enough for two males to be comfortable in. So I need an up-grade. I'm looking at Petco's Rat Manor, though I have to make sure the cage can actually fit in the back of my car *fingers-crossed*. It would be perfect.
I'm planning on getting two males from the Carolina Blue Rattery. Hopefully they will be rex coat, and hopefully at least one of them will be Himalayan. They are absolutely adorable. The crossing for the litter I want will occur hopefully sometime in March. The pups should be born about the first week of April, and by mid-April, I should know which babies will be mine :D I'm so excited.
Now I have to get everything ready for them. I've picked out the cage, new exercise wheel, and hammock for the babies. I know what kind of food they'll be eating and where I'll be ordering it from. The only thing left is to get it all and pick out names. I have a list now, but haven't decided on any one name. Again, I'll keep you all posted.
So, yeah, I've gone off the deep-end perhaps, but they are so much fun to have around, and they are just so loving and friendly. Who wouldn't want a little furry animal that is easy to maintain and just as loving and loyal as any dog??
Here's a picture of Petey:

I know, I know. It's been almost a year since I last posted. Life got crazy. Medical school applications and interviews and teaching all got in the way. BUT...I'm going to try to be a more regular blogger.

Back from the Silence

wow. So it's been about 8 months since my last post. Life has been steadily marching on. I'm a year older, perhaps not the wiser. Medical school is looming with more work to be done than I care to deal with at this point. I only hope I get in somewhere where I'll be happy and so will my wallet. I'm still working the same summer job I've been working for the past 6 years. I'm going to be a college senior which is a revelation I'm also having troubles dealing with. I mean, it's just like yesterday I was the scared, lost freshman who just needed to get to my next class. I remember second semester freshman year, where I missed the notice that my math class had changed rooms, so I was about 15 minutes late and totally embarrassed. Needless to say, I never made that mistake again and always double and triple check the classrooms for my courses the day of the course. I know, a little OCD, but that sort of experience is scarring. I didn't not make it on the poetry track in creative writing, but have thoroughly enjoyed the other creative writing courses I've taken. I'm going to be taking creative non-fiction this coming semester. I'm really excited about it, but at the same time, I'm not really sure what to expect. I took children's fiction writing last fall and LOVED getting to write a picture book. I need to start working on another one, but haven't had much in the way of inspiration seeing as my day-to-day involves getting up, driving to work, driving home, and sleeping with some general worrying about medical school applications and MCAT scores (I find out on July 13th). Anyway, it's late (for me) so I'll try to work on keeping up with the posting.

Rambling Thoughts

Life never seems to stop. One day, you wake up and realize that an entire month has gone by and you can't remember the last time you had a day where nothing had to be done but sleeping, eating, and watching TV. That's how life's been for me this past semester. I have so much stuff that I'm doing day to day, week to week. I can't seem to slow done, and yet today, I took the time to stop and smell some roses. Granted, they have been cut and are sitting in a plastic icee cup that I carried around with me today, but I took the time to smell them. They are beautiful, and it's disheartening to think that the ground's keepers here just cut them and left them to dry up at the feet of the bushes that bore their beauty. I understand that winter is coming and the clipping was inevitable, but really people. Let the public know so that we have an opportunity to take in nature's beauty one last time to make up for the next three months of cold and colorlessness. I now understand why I try to keep as much color in my winter wardrobe as possible: to make up for the lack of natural colors outside. Sure, the evergreens are still green, but not many other colors exist. The sky is even a paler shade of blue, though mostly gray thanks to the blankness of clouds. Most trees are a dull brown, but with less light look duller still. The only color seems to be the yellow lines marking the lanes in the road and the endless changing from green, red, and yellow of the stoplight. It's a dreary world in winter, and so I try to liven things up with a little color of my own. Teal, coral, green, burgundy. I try my hardest, but I still need more colors. Pinks, yellows, blues, purples, all shades. Just to bring some light during the darkest months of the year. People get depressed during the winter, and I understand that when the only colors they see and where are blacks and grays and browns. Color people Color! Add some spice to life. I know, I'm rambling. I just needed to write about nothing and everything. Just to go let the thoughts flow from head to fingers without really thinking. Maybe something cohesive will appear at some point. Right now though, it's just words strung into sentences thrown in a jumbled paragraph of finite thoughts. Some would consider my insane. Borderline. I think it's the natural unwinding of a mind. A way to comprehension. I think it's a way to eventually come to a truth, and when that truth is reached, a sigh of relief and the end of the paragraph and jumbled thinking. I however, will not reach a truth for a long time. I will keep on this rambling across many days and months and years, perhaps one day reaching a truth. But for now, I'll stick to the rambling.

Fading Lines?

I live a sheltered life. I work as a lifeguard during the summer and am in college for the rest of the year. My parents are still together and still love each other very much; I get along with my siblings, and I have never had a real reason to fear for my life. I went to private schools starting in 2nd grade, I have always been a part of the majority, and I have never been discriminated against.

Yet, something is missing. I'm tired of living with my head in the ground, never really understanding the real world around me. I am protected from the true pains of life. I have never been to a funeral or heard that my best friend has been killed. I've never been in a courtroom or jail for anything other than a field trip. I've never held or seen a semi-automatic anything.

And still, I live on thinking that one day I might be able to help someone who has lived in a broken home. I could help someone who has lost a friend, family member to a cause they can't really describe as anything more than "us vs. them". I think that I will help take care of children who pray that when they come home there might be something to eat for dinner; that I can help a child who has been abused, a teenage girl who has been raped, a boy who will one day be initiated into a group bent on supremacy.

Sir Francis Bacon once said that "knowledge is power". What knowledge do we have today that makes us powerful? Is it the mentality that the only important thing to know involves the knowledge and ideas only held by people just like you? Is it that we don't need to know anything about the present, just the past in order to continue growing? Is it the knowledge that we think none of us are prejudiced or racist anymore? Or is it the knowledge that we still know nothing about the world around us?

Another famous quote is about walking a mile in another person's shoes before passing judgment. How can I, as a 20-year-old understand how someone who lived through the Holocaust lived then and carries on and lives day-to-day? How can I understand what life in a ghetto is like while I sleep in a bed with a roof over me? How can I understand how people perceive me when I cannot see me through their eyes?

I see myself one day, as someone who has an impact on people's lives. I want to help people through the trials of life. Yet, I can't do that without understanding how those events have left their impact. I cannot begin to understand what it feels like to be raped. Granted, I'm not going to get myself raped to find out what it's like so i can relate to other people. Just like I truly can't change my skin color or sexual orientation to understand the hardships of others.

That, however, does not mean that I can't sympathize. See, there's a difference between empathy and sympathy. Empathy means that you have gone through the pains another is going through and have a basic understanding of what that person is feeling. For example, a mother can empathize with her daughter who is in labor and childbirth. Sympathy means that although one person has not lived the exact pains of another person, he/she can try to understand how they would feel or react in a similar situation based on what they have personally lived through that would lead to similar reactions and emotions.

I can be sympathetic to others. However, I still have so much to learn to even begin to understand the emotions of others. My life has been exceptionally simple. The worst pains I've had to deal with are the loss of my grandmother, great-grandparents, and pets. All these came when they were expected and in the order they were expected. I have never lost a friend to violence or car wreck or suicide. I have not been directly affected by any horrific event. I understand that I live a life that some people can only dream of. I've learned to be thankful for having loving parents, siblings I get along with, friends who are there for me. But to be the person I want to be, I have to learn the other side. The rougher, less friendly, warm and fuzzy life.

Freedom Writers has begun the process. I empathize with Ms. Gruwell. She was very sheltered in her beliefs and understandings until she began to work at Wilson High School in Long Beach, CA. Suddenly, she was faced with gangs, separations along colored lines, shootings, murder, and far more than she ever imagined 14-year-olds could really be a part of. Certainly, the movie was not as violent as real life is, but I still don't understand anything. I do understand that whites have a supremest mindset that leads to pompous "we're better than everyone" type thinking. What we can't understand is why we are so hated. We see ourselves as gods, that we have delivered other people from their own strife. However, we can't see that we are no better than anyone else. We, too, are violent when others don't think like us or do the things we want them to do. So many say they aren't prejudiced, but underneath, we all still hold the ideals of our grandparents who lived through the Civil Rights Movement. We claim we are better than they were, but we still discriminate. Now, discrimination is not just whites vs. blacks as it was in the 60s. It is whites vs. blacks, Latinos, Filipinos, Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Muslim, and on and on. And each of these groups is against the others, a constant battle for one-up manship. Not once do we stop to look to see that we are still dealing with the issues our grandparents fought to end in the 60s. We are still fighting the battles of who should be at the top of the proverbial social ladder.

Will we ever see a day when everyone can look and see themselves in everyone else despite the obvious difference of tint? Can we see that the color of our skin is only different based on evolution and biology, and that biology has nothing to do with brain capacity or one being better than the other? Our skin is different colors based on our ancestors habitat in relation to the equator. It all has to do with the amount of UVA and UVB radiation the person needed to be protected from. White people are pale because northern European countries were not hit with strong radiation from the sun. Africa is at the Equator, and Africans had to evolve to survive the stronger radiation from the sun. Although South America is near the Equator, these countries were mostly rain forest at the time, and thus, the habitants were more protected from radiation but still needed some personal protection beyond just the foliage of the trees. It's all based on melanin. It's why we can tan in the summer. But we can't see that we are all the same because we only want to focus on what's different between us all.

Birth and Afterbirth

The sky is streaked with lightening. Streaks that go from earth to sky in electric blue or red or white. They look almost like trees planted upside down with their roots attached to the clouds and their branches reaching to the earth. A single sturdy trunk with various branches stemming out to touch anything that conducts electricity. The lightening arches between clouds like the clouds are being welded together into one. As the lightening flickers out, the roll of thunder follows. As the storm moves closer, the time between the light on the sound grows smaller until the storm is over top and light and sound combine into one blinding and deafening show. The rain adds to the noise. Beginning with a light patter that grows stronger and louder. The wind carries the rain causing spits and starts, rain falling in translucent veils, energized by the lights above and the reflection of windows from below. Torrents, a flood, swirls of water in the street causing hydroplaning and treacherous driving conditions. Rain, making bubbles in puddles that foreshadow even heavier downfalls. The noise is almost unbearable. The light leaves motes of darkness in its wake. carrying on and on, windows rattling and being beaten by waterfalls. The electricity of the arches can be felt in your core. The wind causes even the sturdiest house to sway. Yet, in 20 minutes, the rain subsides, the thunder becomes a mumbled growl, the lighting never leaves the clouds. The sky becomes less ominous, and the greens in the trees and the grass become so vibrant. Water drips of the eaves of the house and the branches of trees like delicate dewdrops, crystals, beautiful. The sun breaks through causing everything to glisten as if new and freshly born. Light reflects off every object, every flower, mailbox, street sign, and gutter. Certainly these after-effects cannot possibly be the creation of such a violent affair as a thunderstorm.

Take It Easy

So I haven't really done a good job of keeping up-to-date on this. I am trying, and it is summer, so cut me some slack. It's been rough the past couple of days. Works not the problem, that's been going really well. I love the kids, and the moms aren't so bad. I just really miss my boyfriend. Plus, there have been some other stressors. I'll make it though. I can't wait to get back to school. I'm really excited about the coming semester, especially the part about living in an apartment and having my own room. I can't wait! Tonight, I get to babysit for the first time in about 7 years, which is really exciting. The girl is 4 and one of the kids I give swim lessons to. And today at work, my boss brought his family, and I got to hold his 7 week old baby boy. He was so adorable, but I realized that I have no upper body strength. It was quite enjoyable :) I'll work on posting some creative writing pieces/originals.

Breaking The Silence

I have returned from almost 6 months of silence. I have been rather busy, and a little apprehensive of the new technology that blogger has taken to using. We know have to set up a Google Account in order to access our blogs. Fortunately, I went ahead and did that so that I can now begin posting again. I'm beginning to wind down my sophomore year of college, and it's a little bit frightening to tell you the truth. I'm not really ready to come to the realization that I'll have to enter the real world sooner than I was thinking. I mean, I sort of like being in this little bubble known as college where the most you have to worry about is when your next exam is or when that 10 page paper is due. I'll be spending part of this summer studying for the MCAT which also scares me because it's a 5 hour long test. I'll also being spending the time that's left volunteering, lifeguarding, and visiting my boyfriend. No worries, I'll enjoy myself. I'm looking forward to a small break from classes, actually. This semester hasn't been that bad other than organic, but I'm really doing the best that I can in that class. It's just a really difficult class.

I'm really excited about poetry. I spent this semester writing 12 poems, and it was so much fun. Sure, there were times when I wasn't motivated or inspired, but even around that, it was a really great time. The people in my class were amazing, and some were absolutely hilarious. I loved going to that class. I'm hoping to be able to do the poetry track for the creative writing minor. If I can complete that, then I will graduate with high honors in poetry writing. That's really exciting to me because I feel so relaxed after writing a poem. I like being able to share my poetry with others. Plus, it shows that I have other interests outside of science all the time. Sure, I love science, but writing is also a big part of my life. I think that medical schools would want to see that I'm interested in many different things. Plus, writing is a big part of medicine, maybe not poetry, but it still shows that I can write and get my ideas across. Next semester is a small break from poetry writing, but I'll be taking a class in children's fiction writing which I am so excited about. perhaps I'll even get to illustrate my own book. That would be so much fun ^_^

Introduction to Poetry Writing

So I've decided that I'm finally going to post the poems that I've written this semester on my blog. I've written four poems so far, and have one more to go for the semester. Hopefully you all find them at least interesting or maybe somewhat good. But if you don't, my feelings won't be hurt...


New York's Streets

I'm looking out on Forty-Seventh Street,
Where tourists mix with the New Yorker fleet:
Head down, they don't look up at anyone,
They wait at crosswalks, cross, and then they're gone.
The yellow cabs are weaving in and out.
They honk horns, flipping fingers, as they shout,
"Move Asshole!" at the startled, lost sightseers
Who want to find out where the theater is.
Above their heads a billboard, brightly green,
Shows a buff Tarzan swinging vine to vine.
And next to him pangs Puff Daddy's facade,
Wearing a velvet jumpsuit, selling Sean John.
He holds one fist raised high into the air,
Looks down on people sifting everywhere.
The travelers stop and stare, to catch a glimpse
Of skyscrapers that fade into the mist.
They snap their pictures to take back and share
With everyone they know who's not been there.
New Yorkers all push past, in hast for work,
Obstacles and hurdles just for the perk
Of living in the city that never sleeps -
Tourists - the reason for the streets upkeep.
nearby and to the right, a chocolate store,
Piled high with Kisses, Syrup, and S'mores.
The pyramids of chocolate bars invite
The wanderers, both young and old alike
To Willy Wonka's New York habitation
With sweets enough to fill Grand Central Station.
With every passing of the subway train,
The whole scene vibrates in the windowpane.


The Painted Garden

The fingers smear the paints in circles
Covering the page in reds
And blues and greens and purples - grown
Into five flower beds.

The index finger is now dragged down
In a vertical line of green
To start the first stalk of the four flowers -
A child's daisy scene.

And at the bottom of each stem,
It draws two leaf-like shapes
So quickly that they seem like pools
Of water a hard rain makes.

The fingers shape a yellow core,
Swirling in wobbly loops.
Then daisy's petals are outlined
By five uneven hoops.

Above the flowers a fingertip
Spirals and circles as
It blues in all the white except
The trails of cloudy gauze.

These are the two poems I've written so far that I've actually gotten around to editting. Enjoy!

Questions

"Somewhere, out there
Beneath the pale moon light
Someone's thinking of me
And loving me tonight.

Somewhere, out there
Someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another
In that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know
How very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star.

And when the night wind starts to sing
I's lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping
Underneath the same big sky.

Somwhere, out there
If love can see us through
Then we'll be together
Somewhere, out there
Out where dreams come true."

Just trying to keep faith in karma, and the knowledge that there is someone for everyone. It just takes patience to find the right one. Will we know when it happens? What will tell us we're in the right place? Is it better to let love just happen? If soulmates exist, then the connection will be strong enough to bring together those who wait for the right time. But how do you know when's the right time? How will you know what your soulmate feels like if you have no other feeling to compare it to? What if you care for someone? Can they become your soulmate? If only there were a love handbook...how muc easier life would be.

Midterm Report

I keep asking myself why I decided to take 3 sciences classes this semester, and I have yet to find the answer. Although, I am slightly less stressed at this point than I was last week or even a month ago. Sure, I wish I was doing better tha I am, but I'm doing the best that I can. As a perfectionist, it's sometimes hard to accept the fact that "doing the best I can" is not the same thing as "perfect". I'm just trying really hard to stay positive in everything I do. You know, one of the best things for me to do would be to start each day stating something positive. I have so much to be thankful for, it's just a matter of not losing hope when the road gets a little bit rocky. I am in a place I love surounded by people who love me. I just have to remember this, and keep my head high even when it seems that life wants to drag me done. When the going gets rough, the tough get going. Hoo-rah!

Grades at the midpoint:
Analytical Chemistry: B
Analytical Chemistry Lab: A
Organic chemistry: B
Poetry Writing: B
Genetics: C (definitely working on this one)
Theme Housing Class: A?

Obviously there is much room for improvement, but for the midpoint of the semester, I can't complain about these grades. I just have to keep plugging away, and get through each day as it comes.