Day 34: Guilt

Guilt is a strong emotion.  It can wreak havoc on the precariously balanced system leading to stress and remorse.  I tend to fall into guilt easily.  I don't read as much as I should, so I feel guilty.  I relax too much which keeps me from reading like I should, so I feel guilty.  I take time to try to get more reading done, and feel guilty because I think I should be doing something else.  Someone else is upset because of their situation, and I feel guilty that I can't do more for them.  I take time out of clinic to answer a page, and feel guilty for not being able to help out in clinic.  I feel guilty for eating too much.  I feel guilty for not being able to help out around the house as much due to all the reading and work I have to do.  I feel guilty for getting distracted, not working out enough, not going to bed on time.  I feel guilty for feeling guilty.  It's a vicious cycle.  It doesn't make sense half the time.  In fact, I waste more time worrying and feeling guilty than it would take to do the things I am feeling guilty about.  I hope one day that I will find that I don't really care as much about what I think other people think I should be doing, and just be content with what I am able to do.  Until then, LOML still loves me and that's the most important part.