Yes, I have a problem. Ok, not anything too terrible, but an issue still the same. I think I may have accidentally led a guy to believe I was interested. Unfortunately, I think he's a cool guy, but I just am not romantically interested or interested in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with him. I'm not really sure how to get this across, so right now I'm just being nice but distant. Is that worse than being blunt?
Anyway, my problem also lies in where/who my heart is truly for. There's a guy that I have been in love with since I was in 4th grade. Yes, 4th grade. I've never stopped loving him. He may have been slightly aloof during middle school, but I always loved him. I moved between 9th and 10th grade, but I could never forget him. We didn't talk or see each other for about 3 years, but I still love him. I can't stop. There's just something so intriguing about him that keeps me in love with him. We talk on AIM when the Navy doesn't have him completely bogged down with work. He's so nice and sweet. I love him. Love him, love him, love him. I can't help it. This feeling has been a part off me for so long that it's too great for me to even describe in words. I don't want to though. By attempting to put such feelings into words, you limit their meaning and power. I don't want that. I want it to be a limitless, indescribably good feeling like it is.
The thing is, I don't know if he feels the same way. I mean, I feel like he enjoys talking to me. I think he enjoys my company, but I don't know how strong his emotions for me are. Until I get the nerve to ask him, I can't give my heart to anyone. I would feel like I'm cheating on him. Even though he knows nothing of this love I carry for him. I am too committed at this point to this love I carry for him. Until there is some break, a let down, until he tells me what he truly thinks and feels for me, I can't give away my heart. I'm too afraid now to ever let go...
Anyway, my problem also lies in where/who my heart is truly for. There's a guy that I have been in love with since I was in 4th grade. Yes, 4th grade. I've never stopped loving him. He may have been slightly aloof during middle school, but I always loved him. I moved between 9th and 10th grade, but I could never forget him. We didn't talk or see each other for about 3 years, but I still love him. I can't stop. There's just something so intriguing about him that keeps me in love with him. We talk on AIM when the Navy doesn't have him completely bogged down with work. He's so nice and sweet. I love him. Love him, love him, love him. I can't help it. This feeling has been a part off me for so long that it's too great for me to even describe in words. I don't want to though. By attempting to put such feelings into words, you limit their meaning and power. I don't want that. I want it to be a limitless, indescribably good feeling like it is.
The thing is, I don't know if he feels the same way. I mean, I feel like he enjoys talking to me. I think he enjoys my company, but I don't know how strong his emotions for me are. Until I get the nerve to ask him, I can't give my heart to anyone. I would feel like I'm cheating on him. Even though he knows nothing of this love I carry for him. I am too committed at this point to this love I carry for him. Until there is some break, a let down, until he tells me what he truly thinks and feels for me, I can't give away my heart. I'm too afraid now to ever let go...
No comments:
Post a Comment