Remember

I write to remember and I write to forget. Most of all, I write to remind myself to live each moment in the moment. To notice how fallen leaves smell spicy, like clove and cinnamon. They crunch under my feet like thin shells. Shells that once held the meaning of life. Shells that once contained mitochondria and chloroplasts necessary for life. It reminds me to look up at the sky. To see the paling blue as we lean away from the sun, tempting the colds of winter to come and find us. It reminds me to feel the cold blasts of air on my face as temperature changes create breezes and winds. It reminds me, like the scientist, to observe my surroundings. To question everything and then search for the answers. Writing keeps me from becoming shallow and dronish. It defines my being as a chronicler, helps me connect to the world around me through exploration. Determining my next step is merely one key away, one small tap and then another. Letters connect into words, spaces and symbols define sentences. Those sentences string together to form paragraphs, and those paragraphs bring meaning to the symbols that form it. Like the trees in the forest. A forest is nothing without the trees that create it. Each little tree fights for it's 15 minutes in the sun, as does each letter. Will I be picked today? Will I rise to the occasion, become one with my comrades and form a word? Will I bring meaning to this sentence? Am I out of place? Questions are sentences that lead to exploration. Exploration leads to understanding. Understanding leads to more questions, perpetuating the cycle.

Four Seasons

Spring
Green, fresh
Tree swings and blooming flowers
Adventure

Summer
Warm, lazy
Sweet tea on a wrap-around porch
Satisfying

Fall
Crisp, Cool
Falling leaves and hot chocolate
Contentment

Winter
Snow, spice
Hot cider by the fireplace
Complacence

Back on the Radar

I don't think when I started this that I realized what being in med school would mean. It's not that I don't like it. I love the experience. The people are amazing. I have such a great group of friends that are so supportive, and we really are a family. It's such an inexplicable feeling because there's nothing else like it. I can't imagine any other place where I would have such a diverse group of friends, people that I would not have automatically chosen to hang out with are now the people I am closest to. Certainly, the sipping from a fire hydrant analogy is appropriate, especially now. We just started the biochem block. It's all lecture, in fact, three hours worth almost every morning. It's rough, but the material isn't that bad. Some of the lecturers are dry, but you can't expect everyone to be amazingly entertaining.

I just never imagined that I would have something that so consumed me. I mean, med school really is a lifestyle. It's a situation that is hard to explain to others. It's a mindset. It's hard to fall out of the med school mentality sometimes which makes it hard to relate to others. I mean, we can talk about things that sicken others as if it were nothing. This also means it's hard to fall out of med school speak. I'm doing better. Not being stressed out all the time is certainly helping. Being able to exercise is also helping.

I'm trying to get back into writing again. I know that it was helpful as a destressing tool when I was in undergrad. Maybe it will help now. I want to get back into creative writing, but that's taking a little longer. This is a start...slow but steady. One step at a time. I'm just working on not looking too far into the future, just going day-by-day to see what unfolds...

The Marathon has Started...

It's been a month. I'm officially starting med school classes tomorrow. I'm a little freaked out, but I have a great group of classmates. I'm also excited because there is so much interesting material to learn. I'm worried about the dissection, but I think I'll be alright. The cadavers freaked me out a little more than I had thought they would. It's going to be a lot of work the next couple of years...and really for the rest of my life. Med school has been described as two things.
1. trying to drink from a fire hydrant on full blast
2. a marathon
Hopefully I have a good enough studying pace to make it through med school. It might take a couple of weeks to get everything situated, but I think I can do it. I'll make it.

Fell Behind...a Little

It's been about a month since I last posted. I've been busy with work, taking care of the boys, and getting stuff ready for medical school. I've got all the info in for med school that I need to have in. I have an apartment set up. Someone has been found to take over the lease on my apartment here, so I am all set on this front, thank goodness.
The rats are doing unbelievably well. They are both so healthy and happy. They really love all sorts of fruits and vegetables. So far they've had Cheerios (their favorites), strawberries, blueberries, cucumbers, tomatoes, and dry pasta. They really like the healthy stuff which is good. Today Rex was throwing his ball around his cage today. It was so cute. Yesterday was really warm so I put a mason jar with ice in it in the cage so they could use it to stay cool. They had no idea what to do with it. They tried to eat it, walked all around it. Finally, they curled up around it to stay cool.
Not sure what else is going on...Just trying to keep working until I move.

Back to my Roots...

I am a writer at heart, but the inspiration has been running cold for just about 6 months now. My fingers are paralyzed as they try to create as they had some many times before. The cog wheels of my brain are rusted over, barely moving, as they wait for the WD-40 to loosen them up again. The last story I wrote was in December 2008 about the history of Chapel of the Cross. It was creative, but it wasn't fictional. I have not written anything truly fictional since junior year. The joints begin to regain their usual agility, but it will take a while, like a runner out of practice. Each step feels like the first. You have to refind that rhythm that you cherished and took advantage of in the peak of training. It's harder now to push through the pain because you've only just begun to remember what it felt like. It's an uphill battle on flat ground. One foot in front of the other, remember to breathe. Bring in the cool crisp air that burns your throat and lungs, yet another reminder of what it really feels like to be alive. One step. Two steps. Breathe. Eventually you hit that time when you start to feel the rhythm again. Not the point where it's easy, but the point where you can begin to think about more than just where your feet and legs are and where they should be.
I feel like I've lost my rhythm in a lot of things: writing, reading, life, exercise. I used to swim, run, play sports. Now, it's just so hard to find the inspiration and determination to keep going. I'm honestly not sure where to start. I guess I have to find my beginning and start there, perhaps one day to find the finish line...or make my own.

Here we go...

So yeah...about staying in Chapel Hill for the next year or so. Not going to happen. I got my acceptance letter from Wake Forest SOM, so I'll be there for the next 4 years. YAY! I'm excited and terrified all at the same time. It's crazy! It's been something of a roller coaster the past week since I got the letter. Pretty much everything is in order, just need to get one more TB test and I'll be good to go.
The boys are doing great. They are getting so big! I weighed them yesterday at the 9 week old mark. Cody now weighs 261 grams (87 g increase!) and Rex weighs 311 grams (97 g increase!). This is good. It means that they are both growing rather steadily. I'm not sure when they reach their full size, but they've got about 500-600 grams to go (roughly). At any rate, they are going to be big boys. Their cage seems to be fitting them better than when they were just tiny little guys. They are both pretty good with their names which is really great. Even better, though, they both know what Cheerios are and will come running to break down the door of the cage when they know they are gettin some! It's the cutest thing!
Lifeguarding has been going well. Both teams are amazing! The YMCA is nice because the rules are in place which makes it easier to just have to enforce them. The Briar Chapel pool is amazing, though, because it is brand new and more laid-back in terms of enforcement just because we are still trying to get a feel for everything. The people are really nice both other guards and patrons. It's been pretty relaxing which is nice since it won't be come July 23rd when orientation begins for medical school :-P It's just another adventure and I have to keep in mind that it's just a new experience that I will get through no matter what!

Update

I know it's been awhile since I posted. It's been sort of busy with getting everything set up and put together. I did not get into ECU School of Medicine so I will be able to spend the next year (at least) in Chapel Hill which is really exciting for me. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do, but I have some things in mind. I spent a couple of days in Wallace last week and will be going home to Shelby for the Memorial Day weekend.

The boys are doing so well. They are growing so quickly. I've decided to keep track of their weights so I can see as they grow. They are so funny and are getting used to me and seem to know their names. Last week we did a major play time on my bed. I have some pics from that. This week was a major cage cleaning and introduction to water since Cody had gone to the bathroom on Rex and both had messy feet. They, like most rats, do not like the water...at all. However, they were willing to let me pour water over them and neither tore up my arms too much.

As for their weights. I'm weighing them once a week. I just started last week when they were 6 weeks old. At that time Cody weighed 131 g and Rex weighed 167 g. This week (7 weeks old), Cody weighed 174 g (43 g increase!) and Rex weighed 214 g (47 g increase!). Needless to say, Rex is a piggy boy. He eats anything and everything. Cody is smaller, but his appetite is growing. He likes to steal Cheerios from Rex when Rex is being careful enough. I guess Cody is getting Rex back for all the times Cody shared his Cheerios. Both are extremely curious, and rex does well outside the cage...once you get him out of the cage that is...Cody will just run right out of the cage and up my arm. He has taken to sitting on my shoulder and observing the world from the higher perch. Rex just likes running around and trying to find as many Cheerios as he possibly can :) Both are adorable and have a great following!

This is it...

Well, I'm officially a UNC graduate and officially on my own. It's a little scary. I'm not used to being by myself like this. I'll definitely have to find people to hang out with so I don't get lonely. At any rate, I've gotten the apartment cleaned up for the most part. I still need to work on my closet and desk, but other than that, everything looks really nice. It's definitely going to take me a little while to get used to not having my family or Austin around. I'll probably try to get several visists in...
The rats are doing fine. Rex is getting so big. Cody's pretty big but no where near as big as Rex. However, I think that Rex is a softy because he still gets beat by Cody when they wrestle. I really like having them around. They are getting used to me slowly. Today is the first day I'm going to try out weighing them. It could be interesting. At any rate, they are really sweet boys and everyone in my family thinks they are adorable!

Cleaning Day

Just an update. The boys went through their first official cage cleaning. They didn't like being taken out of their big cage only to be shoved into the little travel cage. Rex tried to make a run for it and scared me to death! Fortuntately, he ran under my desk where there's really no place for him to go. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I traumatized him in the retrieval process. He'll surivive. He got some Cheerios when he finally got into the travel cage with Cody. Needless to say, after that fiasco, everything else went smoothly. The cage was really easy to clean. Just pulled out the middle half racks, and replaced all the liners. I pulled out the dustbuster to sweep out the bottom of the cage, then it was back in with all the toys, hammocks, pillow, food, and the boys. They ran around a little, then went right to their favorite spot in the tube hammock.
Also, during free play today, Cody spent a lot of time on my shoulder it was really cool, though his whiskers tickled my neck. Now my right ear is very clean thanks to him :)
I haven't gotten around to weighing them yet...